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[13 Jun 2005|09:55am]
finding a "sister" is like a whirr of rainbow water, cool but not cold, in the summer when its very hot.
a "sister" is far more than just a girl friend, or a girlfriend, or a girl lover... she is one of the souls you have known before in previous lives. she was a kitten or a flower or a mother or a lover or a baby... the immediate closeness you feel to her is the indication that she may be one of your sisters. i have found a few of mine. sometimes it takes a while to realize it, other times you know it right away, some come and go, and some are forever. they are like tiny goddesses. peices of a collage or a mirror, or the scales of a particularly colorful fish. the girls who have the eyes to spot such beauty are rarely accepted by society, some of them have been deemed "insane". some are lavender, some are indigo, nonetheless they are a rainbow of tenderness. ♥

x-posted to spaceblossom, _____sisters, & rustandstardust & _lavenders
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[10 Jun 2005|04:23pm]

come find your _____sisters
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Rembering your sin [27 Dec 2004|10:57am]

bound by my visions
i struggle to realize
fast climax approaching
i struggle to realize
magical lust erupting
i struggle to realize
blistered forehead begging
i struggle to realize
fathered hips throbbing
i struggle to realize
exposed feet slapping
i struggle to realize
arched stomach deflating
i struggle to realize
sliced breast sludging
i struggle to realize
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hey everyone! [22 Dec 2004|12:11am]

[ mood | chipper ]

just wanted to introduce myself! my name's bela and i'm new to the community. i've actually been on livejournal for a while with a different pen name, but i sort of never joined any communities before. this is the first!

so what exactly is the point of this one? and can anyone reccomend any other good communities to join?

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[30 Sep 2004|10:20am]
[ mood | blank ]

Hello and all, I get the feeling this community's a bit quiet at the minute, but I won't let that stop me.

Two days ago, I saw a girl on a train station who was just on the brink of knowing other girls were pretty and ugly, but it hadn't occurred to her to categorise herself yet.
That seemed like the most perfect state, not to mention the most alluring. A girl with absolutely no need for reassurance, no insecurities, not through confidence but through a lack of need for anything like that.
It made me really sad that it wouldn't last.

Anyway... I thought that was sort-of relevent and interesting here.

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[02 Jul 2004|12:59pm]

since i know alot of people here are fans of dominique swain ever since adrian lyne's lolita, i thought it'd be a good idea to let you all know that there is now a community devoted to her. it's new and i'm the co-mod and just finished fixing up the appearance of it. anyway, thought you all might like to join it...

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possession [20 Jul 2004|12:05pm]

Another dream to linger on ... I hope I'm not posting these too often. But I don't know how long this journal will last, so I'm speaking while I can ...

My darling, delicious, dark-hearted little girl, with eyes deep as oceans and lips red as sunset. I am reaching out to you, drawn in by your inexorable gravity; I cannot resist even the memory of you, the fantasy of you. I am under a spell you weave without even knowing it.
Read more...Collapse )
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ageless [14 Jul 2004|03:34pm]

[ mood | lonely ]

Another poem I wrote for her then. Time/age seems so unimportant in the face of true feelings ...

Read more...Collapse )

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I'm a day late... [28 Jun 2004|11:24pm]

[ mood | nostalgic ]

... but Happy Birthday rustandstardust.

Other communities may catch my eye, even seduce me for a little while, but I'll always love you, and come back to you. Because you are all things beautiful, and the memory of your beauty is a beacon to draw me back here.

This week I shall post here in honour of that beauty and that anniversary, and to honour the beautiful that have made it possible. Hopefully some other people will too.

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hey you [07 Jun 2004|12:09am]

[ mood | confused ]

We've grown apart but it's not something that can't ever be again.
I sometimes wonder how you are.
I find comfort in the thought that you are somewhere, smiling.

Everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby

You talked to me. I wanted to say a million things. I didnt.
Did you get my hopes up for nothing?

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Broken promises [03 May 2004|02:48am]

[ mood | complacent ]

Broken promises and cherry flavoured smiles.

I used to think it was a beautiful friendship but perhaps it was nothing more than an embelished illusion. Something I dreamt up and forced myself to believe. As I fall back down to earth, I realise it was built on lies. Complex lies and false hope. I don't want to remember last year for what it seemingly was. I want to remember it as I wished it to be. As I thought it was.

She was three years my senior but her mind would tell otherwise. Her beautiful mind was more advanced than the average university graduate. Her vocabulary, her writing, even the way she placed her words in speech challenged me. Made me want to learn and I did. She opened a whole new world of ideas and inspiration. With her I was myself. I let her in deeper than anyone else has ever been and probably ever will be. I trusted her with everything. She was my comfort. My safety net.

This illusion, this dream was amazing and intense. Two girls, two friends who shared dark similarities. They were "in love" and happy. So many things were said. I pondered her sweet letters, they swirled and danced in my head. Little did I know, we were merely bounding off eachother's lies. What were we doing but asking to get hurt? and hurt doesn't even describe the pain. Despite everything, I cared for this girl more than I cared for anything. I never wanted to let her go. The love I felt may not have been as I said but it was definitely real and pure.

I became more and more immature as she grew wiser yet my immaturity was only a result of her maturity.

The very mention of her name sends a shiver down my spine. I ask myself why I am only left with broken promises and the memory of her cherry smiles and although I try and convince myself of my naivety, I know the reason. Stabs me like a dagger.

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[16 Apr 2004|02:20pm]

[ mood | nervous ]

My Natalia

two moreCollapse )

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micheal alig [15 Apr 2004|01:55pm]

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[28 Mar 2004|10:50pm]

for a scholarship competition from maryland institute college of art i wrote and essay on an artist i would like to spend an afternoon with. i wrote about the performance artist marina abromovic.

"A long time ago I made a piece called Art Must Be Beautiful, Artist Must Be Beautiful. At that time, I thought that art should be disturbing rather than beautiful. But at my age now, I have started thinking that beauty is not so bad. My life is full of such contradictions. Many come from my childhood. I was born in Yugoslavia. My father and mother are divorced. As an adult, I recently wanted to go back to help them because of the war. With the embargo, there is nothing in the stores. They don't have basics. So I called my father to ask him what he needs, and he dictates a long list - antibiotics, bandages, penicillin, toilet paper, coffee, sugar, powdered milk, all these basic things for survival. Then I call my mother and ask what she needs. She says, 'I need Chanel lipstick, Absolute Red, Number 345, and hair spray.' I am between these two. It took me a long time to come to terms with this because I've always tried to put a face in front of the public that is very tough, very male, a going-forward-no-matter-what performance attitude. But after I had so many problems with Ulay completing our apotheosis on the Great Wall of China, where we split up, I decided that now I need glamour. I need something to love. I need to see all these other parts of me which I had absolutely never allowed to exist. I had been ashamed of this part of me and let them go. Then I created The Biography, in which I staged my life and played both sides, the tough one and the contradictory one, and when I exposed my shame, this was the biggest liberation I had in my life."
-Marina Abromovic

for more see: http://www.findarticles.com/cf_0/m0425/2_58/55427193/print.jhtml
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[10 Mar 2004|09:16am]

[ mood | awake ]

Everytime Dominique is on tv...thought it might come in handy

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Pretty children [19 Feb 2004|12:06pm]


several more.Collapse )
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I sucked the moon, I spoke too soon, and how much did it cost? [18 Feb 2004|10:30pm]

[ mood | thoughtful ]


I wrote this in an e-mail to a friend a few days ago, and someone (that means you) convinced me to post it to the Lolita-centered community. It was late at night, and strangely enough this brings on a sort of lucid state of mind in me. In any case... here are my thoughts on the Lo's and Hums of this world.

There's been a lot of speculation and publicized writing focusing on the fascination between the Humberts and Lo's of this world, and my thoughts and opinion on the subject are neither new nor unexplored by the masses in years previous. Lolita is a nymphet, and nymphets are capricious, intemperate, brutal, fetching, saccharine, vulgar, brooding, maddening, and malicious all in a day. They harbor the darkness of understanding in their child hearts; they mechanically comprehend the workings of the world and can apply themselves to its ways in a detached, almost bored manner in order to achieve her own form of pleasure. She is very Machiavellian in a way: any means to an end.

And at the same time she is deceptively pure, deceptively innocent; though her mind understands and her body talks the language, her heart is not in these ways of the waking world at all. Her heart is in beauty, though usually superficial beauty, day-to-day excitements and butterfly surprises. She is flirtatious but cold, and daisy-fresh but utterly corrupted.

Onto Humbert, and Lo & Hum as the lov-er-ly coupleCollapse )

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x-posted all over the place [18 Feb 2004|01:18am]

[ mood | giddy ]

I saw my last-semester English teacher today. He stopped me outside of school where I was visiting friends and asked me why I left (I had never told me I was leaving to go to homeschooling- I just left). He was with a woman, whom I'll assume was either another teacher or his fiancé, and for about ten minutes he went on talking (totally ignoring this other woman) about how he wished I had stayed and he said (in these exact words- yes, I remember), "I wouldn't really care about most of my students if they left, but you're one of those students you don't get very often that you actually like and I miss you. But if you're happy where you are, then I'm glad." I almost frekkin died. I really hate how they act as though you don't exist while you're in the class, but then they show an amazing amount of emotion and sadness after you leave, It almost made me want to go back. Almost.
And he held on to my arm almost the whole time we spoke. I could see the flames build in Jacob's(my boyfriend, who was with me at the time) eyes. It was...hah, it was awesome.

Just thought I'd share... :)

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neo-nebular [17 Feb 2004|08:18pm]

[ mood | crazy ]

pretty baby, you look so heavenly

I'm in love with my kaitlin

pretty baby you look so heavenly

ma petite ingenue, I fell in love with you

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scarlett starlet [16 Feb 2004|08:05pm]

[ mood | cold ]

scarlet starlet


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